How To Kiss

These days if we want answers to ques­tions we turn to the inter­net. You can find the answer to almost any ques­tion online. But what is the most asked ‘how?’ ques­tion asked online? What set of instruc­tions do we as a race of peo­ple look to Google for the most? Allow me to spell it out for you. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

How To Kiss

If you go to Google and search for some­thing that begins with ‘how to…’ you will be offered the most com­monly searched  ‘how to…’ phrases.

‘How to lose weight fast’ is pop­u­lar and ‘how to tie a tie’ is up there too. But at the top of the list is ‘how to kiss’. I myself remem­ber googling a sim­i­lar thing a few years back, once the girl germ rumours were proved to be noth­ing more than rumours. And with Valentine’s Day sched­uled for this Sun­day it sud­denly seems impor­tant to look at the hows and tos and fros of kissing.

Kiss­ing can­not be sat­is­fac­to­rily achieved by sim­ply run­ning to first base on a base­ball field or by sit­ting up in a tree and spelling out verbs with another per­son. There is no fail-safe plan of attack that can lead to kiss­ing nor ensure that said kiss­ing is enjoy­able for all.

body and lips

The best thing a per­son can do is think the right things whilst kiss­ing. Kiss­ing is a psy­cho­log­i­cal activ­ity con­trolled 98% by the brain and 2% by excess saliva. So here are some topic sug­ges­tions for think­ing and not think­ing about dur­ing kissing.

GOOD FOR THINKING ABOUT DURING KISSING

1. But­ter­flies
2. Eye­lashes
3. Lips
4. A world with­out cold sores
5. Warm show­ers
6. Freshly-ironed pants
7. Baby horses
8. Foal
9. Sponge cakes
10. Any­thing dap­pled (exlud­ing infec­tious diseases)

NOT GOOD FOR THINKING ABOUT DURING KISSING

1. Wind­mills
2. Jack­ham­mers
3. Jack Nichol­son
4. Gums
5. Bleed­ing gums
6. Heli­copters
7. Stilt walk­ing
8. Eng­land
9. Lick­ing the spoon
10. Cir­cu­lar breathing

10. February 2010



8 Comments

Georgia, Esq.

That lip head has some mad left tri­cep going on.

#2

I don’t know too much about this Google, but accord­ing to the fig­ures, more peo­ple are ask­ing “how to down­load youtube videos” and of course, “how to have sex”, than they are about kissing.

Still, the most promi­nent response to ques­tion “how to kiss” is a news arti­cle about Coro­na­tion Street screen­ing its first les­bian kiss. The sec­ond is an arti­cle on Wik­i­How. Here is an extract from Kiss # 2: The French Kiss:

Slowly open your mouth a lit­tle bit more and gen­tly push your tongue a lit­tle far­ther into their mouth until the tip of your tongue meets the tip of theirs. Let your tongues brush against each other briefly and gen­tly and then pull it away, back into your own mouth.

Aca­d­e­mic stuff!

guest

look, mate, are you try­ing to say that jack nicholson’s not a roman­tic sen­si­tive man? because we might have a prob­lem in that case.

Frau Forster

Funny post! I’ve tried the same in Por­tuguese, but I’ve got “como fazer um msn”, some­thing such as “how to have a msn account”. Quite dis­ap­point­ing! It’s prob­a­bly because our Valentine’s day is in June and a bit dif­fer­ent from yours.

Gonca

Wow, in Turk­ish the first one on the list was “nasıl hamile kalınır” “how to get pregnant.”

and one more inter­est­ing thing, the key­word with most hits was “how to gain weight” with 462.000 hits, com­pared to 100.000 ” how to lose weight.” Unex­pected, isn’t it?

Mirella

Great read­ing last night. Have you ever con­sid­ered act­ing?! Look­ing for­ward to book # 2 already.. All the best for wher­ever the future takes you.

Blog­meis­ter!

Brittany

Well, on Google Aus­tralia and UK, how to kiss is on top.
On Google US and Canada, how to tie a tie is on top.
And on Google Mex­ico, it’s how to make love (if you type it in Span­ish)
:)

Indilflo

The Ital­ian google has “come si fa l’amore” (how to make love) and “come si bacia” (how to kiss) as first and sec­ond results.

we’re maybe romantics!