When I look out the kitchen window at the moment there are men next door building some kind of house that looks more like a giant outside toilet.

It’s such a small place to construct any kind of  building. Perhaps the men are just building their own personal cubby house. That would be pretty cool. If they are building a cubby house I will be able to wave at them from my kitchen when they’re finished building. And maybe they’ll invite me over for lemonade and chocolate in their giant-loo-sized cubby house. Orsome.

I have a friend called Ken. He thought that he could make improvements to my book. Thanks a lot, Ken. Here are his ‘improvements’ with apologies to the fantastic cover illustrator Gregory Baldwyn.

So what do you think? Personally I’m just glad he didn’t think of The Greatest Bogger in the World because I would hate to see what changes he would have made to illustrations.

After the comments and feedback left on my previous post about the bits and pieces that make up one’s beard, I now present the revised edition of The Anatomy of the Common Beard.

And here’s the KEY:

PHILTRUMLINGS: The hair of the philtrum.

SIDEBURNLINGS: The hair of the sideburn.

CHEEKFUZZLINGS: The fuzzy hair of the cheek.

GINGERLINGS: The inexplicable ginger hair on blonde or brunette beard.

BERMUDATRIANGLINGS: The place where hair refuses to grow at all despite the clear geographical requirement of hair growth.

UNDERLINGS: Neck hairs.

TRANSCHESTLINGS:  The hairs that sit just under the Adam’s apple and glare enviously past the collarbone.

Thanks to Phill, Ken, #2 and Housemate Numero Uno for their input.

Winter is certainly a time when beards are at their most sported. Every second or third man seems to wear a beard at some point of winter.

After a discussion on Twitter today about the various parts of the beard, mostly with a chap called Phill, a new set of beard terms have been reached that I think reflect the class and dignity inherent in a fur-face.

I recently discovered a poster on a friend’s fridge that outlined Cuts of Beef and their common uses. It was an interesting chart that taught me which parts of the cow are which in relation to a mixed grill.

It’s a nice poster with some nice typography and, unlike the real-life versions in an abbatoir, not displeasing to the eye. However it was when I viewed the poster on the side that I started to think not about beef but about rabbits.

I hope you too can can see the rabbit inherent in the illustrated beef. And so the poster of beef cuts failed to do its job because all I could think of afterward was rabbits.

And just as I’d thought, if you place the Beef Rabbit alongside other rabbits it becomes indistinguishable from those other rabbits. This has raised a lot of questions for me. Was the Cuts of Beef poster trying to be subliminal about something? Are rabbits cows? Are cows rabbits? Rabbits are, when you think about, steak-sized. Mmm. Food for thought.